Living with a chronic condition does not have to be a problem when it comes to sex and relationships and  many of the people we talked to said that they had formed long lasting and intimate relationships. Some had had to overcome particular barriers because of their condition as it could be harder to get to meet potential partners and difficult to know when (or if) to tell them about their condition. One young man said that his confidence has been affected by his arthritis and that he prefers the company of those that he already knows rather than having to meet new people. Some young people also faced practical issues about getting tired, lacking confidence, being uncomfortable sitting still for a long time or wanting, and having, to avoid alcohol or smoky atmospheres (also see 'Going out').

ME affected his confidence particularly when he was a teenager. Says that when he is well he feels more positive about things including finding a girlfriend.

Many teenagers are self-conscious about their appearance as well as reluctant to tell others about their condition. One girl told us that at 17 years of age she 'wouldn't have dared tell someone I had scoliosis. I wouldn't have dared go out if I had a spot!' 

Many young people said that as teenagers they went through a phase of viewing their bodies in a negative way and becoming very self conscious about how they were different from other young people. This was particularly evident when they were feeling ill or undergoing medical procedures that altered their bodies. One young woman who had a hip replacement in her late teens told us that she doubted her femininity and felt different from other women of her own age. But she soon realised that her experience of her condition had made her stronger and more confident in herself. 

Physical pain can place a lot of strain on a relationship. She felt guilty about affecting the life of her partner.

She thinks that things are easier because she has become less conscious about the way she looks as she gets older.

Some young people with life threatening conditions deliberately avoided serious relationships. A young woman with cystic fibrosis said that she had been partly protecting herself when she said she did not want a serious relationship. She had not believed that anyone would want to be involved with her.

When she was younger she felt that nobody would want to marry someone who could die young. She has recently married her partner of 6 years.

Young people who we talked to who had had a serious relationship said that they have been honest about their condition and that their boy or girl friend had accepted the facts about their illness and understood. Some said that if someone couldn't accept them as they were, they probably weren't worth going out with anyway. 

It can be difficult to know when best to tell someone new about the condition. Several suggested that you shouldn't feel you have to blurt it out to everyone you meet but if the relationship starts getting serious then you probably should tell. Some told us that they do it at the very beginning of any relationship, while others preferred to wait until they knew the person a bit better. In some cases people had known each other before they started going out together so had not needed to explain about their medical condition. A young man who is living with HIV explained that he feels that he absolutely must tell others at an early stage. 

His HIV makes it difficult to find a partner. He discloses his condition from the start because he does not want to be dishonest like the person who infected him.

She has been in a relationship for the last four years. They were introduced by a common friend and he knew she had a chronic condition.

Felt that previous boyfriends were a bit negative about her CF but her husband - who has a niece with CF - has been very accepting and supportive.

Some of those who were diagnosed when they were older were in a relationship at the time. This could put a strain on the relationship. If the couple have only recently started to go out they may not know each other well enough to support and rely on one another. A young woman recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes said that she preferred to talk about her reactions to the diagnosis with her ex boyfriends because they knew her better than the boyfriend she was presently seeing. 

Her sex life with her boyfriend was difficult for some weeks after a hip operation. Otherwise does not think her arthritis has caused problems for her sex life.

People with epilepsy often worry that they might have a seizure (or fit) while they are having sex. Doctors and nurses were often reassuring that it was unlikely to happen. Sometimes it does happen and young people's reactions to it happening seem to be related to how much information they have about their condition, how serious the relationship is and how prepared they are to explain things to their partner. One young woman said that it has happened to her twice. The first time when she was a teenager and had been unsure about how to deal with such a situation. The second time was with her current boyfriend when she felt more in control of her condition. 

She had a seizure when she was in bed with her boyfriend at his college halls of residence. Was very embarrassed when she realised that he had called his friends and staff to help.

After she had a seizure while having sex with her boyfriend she talked and reassured him that seizures during sex are very uncommon.

A young man with HIV pointed out that people often need sexual health services outside of the 9-5 clinic hours. He described the problems with existing clinics which are not open when they are needed and often seem to be impersonal and unfriendly to young people.

Sexual health clinics don't tend to be open when young people need them and are not welcoming enough.

Young people with health problems have the same need for sexual health services as other young people. (Also see 'Contraception and pregnancy' and the Youth Health Talk website on Sexual Health.)

Last reviewed April 2010.

Last updated April 2010.