Does everyone feel the same as I do?

To be diagnosed as having cancer at any age will come as a shock, with confusion, sadness and anxiety. But is it particularly hard on young people with your whole life ahead of you?

Questions like Will I live?, Am I going to get better?, Will I be able to cope with the treatment? Will the treatment work?, What if it does not work? Assail you from all sides.

The interviews show that emotions see-saw up and down. One moment you feel incredibly low, the next you are on top of things. Much of how you feel depends on what stage you are at in your diagnosis treatment and what unwanted side effects you have. However no two people respond in exactly the same way. For instance, some young people said that lumbar punctures (a needle inserted via the skin of your back into the canal surrounding your spinal cord between your vertebrae whilst using local anaesthetic) caused them more worries than any other aspect of their treatment.

But having a positive mental attitude towards their illness but particularly towards their recovery definitely helped them. Many remember developing ’a fighting attitude’ towards cancer itself. One girl, who was 17 years old at the time, said ’it was me and the chemotherapy against the cancer, quite a powerful weapon really’.

Talks about his emotional 'ups and downs' and says that the music of Bob Marley was a big help during chemotherapy.

What help him was to think that every block of his chemotherapy, as he went through it, brought him a step closer to finishing his treatment.

Sometimes she feels bitter about the disruption to her life, but has struggled not to be negative.

Some young people quite naturally felt very angry: with themselves, their doctors, parents and friends and with the cancer itself. Others were angry with themselves if they thought they were not coping as well as they should. Others again felt that nobody could really understand what they were going through and wondered ’Why me?’ Many wondered if other young people dealing with cancer and treatment felt the same as they did and if they were ’normal’ for feeling and reacting the way they did.

Feels that it is very helpful to be positive but remembers one occasion when he felt so frustrated about his mouth ulcers that he was furious at his nurses.

Felt anger and frustration whilst under going radiotherapy.

She was treated in an adult's ward and had very few opportunities to meet other teenagers and unable to discuss about how she was feeling with someone her own age.

Another common feeling was ’guilt’ about their families. They felt guilty to be putting their parents through the pain and worry of seeing their child facing a life- threatening illness. Just as bad was that those who had brothers and sisters felt guilty because they were monopolising their parents attention. Others felt the need to protect their families and ’bottled up’ their feelings or even found it easier to talk to people who were not related to them. Nonetheless, many said that they felt their relationship with their parents, particularly their mothers, became stronger because of their illness (see ’Impact on family).

Reassured his mother that he was going to be fine and this helped him develop positive thoughts during his treatment.

Said that she thought she coped with her brain tumour better than her mum did. But since her illness she now has a much closer relationship with her family.

Treatment can lasts for many months and many have feelings of frustration that they can’t enjoy a normal life - going out with their friends, learning to drive a car and other things beside. Even If you feel OK you may still have behave in specific ways so that you avoid being exposed to the chance of picking up and infection. There was a strong feeling amongst those undergoing treatment for cancer that they were ’missing out’ on their normal teenage years.

The prospect of leaving treatment can also makes some young people anxious or even depressed because it means the end of a periods where almost every decision was made on their behalf and it can be quite difficult to reassume responsibility for one’s own day to day living. Also if you have been out of contact with your friends - remaking contact can be pretty worrying.

Sometimes people who have long treatments feel really quite depressed and a few started to see a psychologist or psychiatrist or start on anti-depressants. The most important thing for most young people during and after treatment seems to be to be able to talk about how you feel with families, friends and health professionals.

Felt that she missed out on her teenage life and sometimes felt depressed.

He found that having to restrict his activities difficult but taking anti-depressants helped him cope with his treatment. He recommends seeing a psychiatrist.

Had bad times during treatment but says that the reality of what she had been through only really hit her after she finished her chemotherapy.

One young man who was unconscious for almost all the time of his treatment had difficulty dealing with his emotions afterwards when he regained consciousness. He is extremely grateful to his mother for keeping a diary of the time that he was unconscious and taking pictures of him and his surroundings during that period.