How do you feel when you have to go back for a check up?
I get stressed every single time. I've got a check up coming up in a week, and I can already feel my stomach tensing up, thinking about going back. And it's not, it's not the place any more, because the place used to make me nervous, but the place actually is quite comforting now, because I feel like I'm going back, and if something is wrong, they can deal with it. And I love going back and seeing all the people all the nurses that treated me, and they always want to know how I am, and I want to know how they are, and how their children are that they used to tell me about all the time. But I do still get really nervous about it, and I think, to an extent, that nervousness is almost built up by me, because I feel if I don't get nervous about it, then I might go back, and something might be wrong. It's almost like…
It's like a defence?
Yeah, it's like a defence. It is. It is a defence mechanism. If I don't worry about it, then I'm taking everything for granted and then, and that's something that really scares me. I've learnt so much from being ill, and if I start forgetting it, then maybe the whole point of me being ill will come back, and maybe I'll be ill again. So I mustn't ever forget all the lessons I've learned from being ill. That's really important. |