Have you ever felt angry?
The worst I felt was that day I had my Hickman Line put in, and I couldn't eat and stuff. That's the worst I ever felt, because I was so tired and really worn out that day. But, other than that, I never felt, “Why me?” or anything. I always sort of looked up at it and thought, I counted everyday and said, “Okay, two months left” or whatever, and I felt better. I knew there was an end, so it wasn't that bad. If it was, like, a really long treatment, and I didn't know when it will end and stuff, I'd probably feel worse. Because I knew the deadline of six months, I was rushing to finish it, so I was more, I was looking more to the end of it than to what was going on at the time. So I made sure that everything went well until then, that, so it wouldn't be any longer than six months. Because I mean, because, if I ever lost hope, and didn't, didn't go to my treatment or something, or didn't have my chemotherapy on time, or I didn't eat properly, I didn't recover well enough in time, then my next one would be worse, and would set me back even longer. So I knew that my, my own sort of state of mind was really important, so I tried to keep it always, always good. Yeah. And, and you get, like, an allowance as well. You get, like, £150 a month, from having cancer, so I could always keep myself happy as well, by buying stuff and things. And, it was always, well, it gets, for me, like, out of it, you don't notice how bad it is. It's all about balancing it out, in a way, and, I never really thought, “Why me?”
This attitude of keeping yourself positive?
Yeah.
I mean. Is that part of your personality, or did you develop it while…?
I think I developed it mostly from having cancer, because I've always been sort of, like, content-ish, sort of thing, but then having cancer gave me, like, a new look, a new look in life. I realise it's more important than just, than a, than a few days being unwell for a year, has left me well now, rather than, if I'd taken that year out, thinking, “I don't want to have my treatment”, and then dying, like, a year after, from having, from cancer not being cured, I could have, I'd rather have it done now rather than later, really. I will suffer now than later, when I'm older and weak, and I've got better stuff to do. I mean, I was just cool and things.
You are young and you can…
Yeah, I think I can grow stronger afterwards. I think the whole process of being younger helps you a lot as well. It's like an advantage. |